What THEY Don't Want You To Know
The *Happie* Conspiracy Page

The NUMBER ONE thing to know about conspiracies:  they *do* exist.

The NUMBER TWO thing to know about conspiracies:  there are a lot of them. 

Here's a sampling: 
 

Send me your original conspiracy theories and I'll put them here!
 

The Conspiracy of High Heeled Shoes

This dose of paranoia from K. Symonds
    Two words: Gender Gap.  On our oh-so-happie-planet women out-number men - wah-hey!  Anyway, that poses something of a problem for *them* (who are mostly male).  Sooo...they needed to find a way to close the gender gap as more women meant more babies (technically) blah blah blah.  What they came up with as a solution was high heeled shoes, that have inevitably become insanely ridiculously large heels (i.e. 'Spice Girls')  The higher you are off the ground, the greater the distance the blood must travel to get to your brain, killing you sooner.  Death rate (for women) goes up, gender gap goes down.  Yes, good, spiffy.
 
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The Conspiracy of Light Bulbs 
 This dose of paranoia conceived by E. C. Stevens
Potential Conspiracy

    The groundwork  was laid when humans became dependant on light.  Then, Mr. Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.  Candles (which one made for one's own use) are no longer common.  Billions of people today have factory made electric light bulbs in their homes and work.  And that is 'it'.  If someone wanted to, they could set up a massive surveillance system, preying on our need for light and the fact that almost all of us have light bulbs in our homes.  The surveillance equipment could be built into the bulbs at the factory where they are manufactured.  You are not alone...your lamp is watching you!
 

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The Conspiracy of Standardized Compulsory Education 
This dose of paranoia brought to you by E. C. Stevens
    The main purpose of standardized compulsory education is to rid the individual of all sense of individuality and initiative.  It seems the aim of most education systems is to strip all knowledge from a student in the most tedious ways.  At one time, formal schooling was coveted, and was useful, but now, such is not true.  Information can be gained from structured formal class time, but that information (not knowledge) is useful only for securing a position of employment.
 
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The Conspiracy of Roswell 
This dose of paranoia is well known.  This version by E. C. Stevens
    The scene is Roswell, 1947.  There is the sound of an explosion.  What happened?  A vehicle crashed in the desert...a spacecraft.  This has been denied.  The extra-terrestrial origin of the craft has also been denied, as has the report of the recovery of a body from the wreckage.  This is my version of events:  the alien spacecraft *was* heading for Earth, of course, it was spiralling downward out of control towards the surface, but it's original destination was somewhere like Alpha Centauri or Barnard's Star.  It, by a navigational error, was pulled to the Earth by its gravitational field and crashed.  The passengers and crew were killed on impact.  The United States military recovered the alien bodies and to this day are conducting experiments on the tissue.  What kind of experiments?  Um...I haven't decided yet!
 
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The Conspiracy of The Men In Black 
Another well known dose of paranoia, written up by K. Symonds
COMING SOON
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The Conspiracy of The Middle Class Lifestyle 
This dose of paranoia by E. C. Stevens
COMING SOON
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The Conspiracy of Cell Phones
This dose of paranoia by K. Symonds
    Cellular phones cause cancer, huh?  Em...NO!
    2 words: Media Hype.  The press sends trivial information off into the wrong direction.  Everyone is looking for causes to cancer.  And what is being more widely used and consuming a more hefty sum of our paycheques than the cellular phone industry?  Cell phone rage is all the thing these days, and is making it difficult for aspiring industries in the communications field to become prominent.  This means that *they* had to create a cell phone scare to divert a minimal percentage of the business populace toward other things:  such as the rapidly growing internet.  Whoever said you'd get cancer from reading your e-mail?
 
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The Conspiracy of Fast Food 
This health-conscious dose of paranoia was lovingly prepared by E. C. Stevens
    THEY have brainwashed the public into thinking the fat- and grease-laden 'food' served at fast-food restaurants tastes really *really* good.  Eeeyyyuuukkk.  Studies have shown that the 'food' at such places as McDonald's to be extremely unhealthy.  Coronary-on-a-styrofoam-plate is no way to die, trust me folks.
 
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 The Conspiracy of Patio Dining
More paranoia by K. Symonds
    Sure...when you go out for lunch during a particularly stressful day on-the-job, you want the fresh (ha!) city air, a nice view, yadda yadda yadda.  What you may not be aware of is that people like to watch you, too.  Well, there are certain people: *THEM*, who have the capability to read bloody licence plate numbers from satellites.  Doesn't that mean they could monitor us, too...so long as we're OUTSIDE?!  Sure, they're *watching* inside, too, but wouldn't it be easier for those government black ops high up dudes (and dudettes) or spy on us if we were already outdoors?  Of course!  They wanna know much we're spending, who we talk to, what we eat, where we're going when, and so on and so on....
    Solution:  Everybody wear the same hat this summer!
 
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